R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
