I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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