I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
