My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
