My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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