marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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