did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
