i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
