Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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