Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
