It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
