I smell stomach acid.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize