if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She announced her abortion via fbk
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
