Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
FUCK WHALES
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
