the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
