I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
