if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't think brook has ever known best
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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