Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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