we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
