I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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