Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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