How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
