I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
