perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you inspire me to be a worse person
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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