sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
