Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize