Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
