Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize