did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He? As in you personified your dick?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
