So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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