Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i need some magic done to my vagina
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
