Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize