at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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