If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
