Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
