Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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