i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize