good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
