We won't sleep together?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize