thus making me awesome and them whores
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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