I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i think i just lost a toe
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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