3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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