They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize