she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
