I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
