I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
