And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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