I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
cat food counts as protein by the way
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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