How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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