He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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