guys are only as good as the porn they watch
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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