If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
