Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
