You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
