Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We had sex on a dog bed..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
