and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
