I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
