At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
