I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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