you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
