dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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