does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
