I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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