He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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