he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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