Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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