I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
