So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
