Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
