remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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