Will you blow on my dice?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
