I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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