Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
